27.9.07

Love Thursday: Six months

I'm six months pregnant today. In just a few days, I'll reach the twenty-seventh week of my pregnancy and enter the third trimester. By now I've grown accustomed to the baby's movements: soft pings, abrupt kicks and the rippling wave across my belly that must mean that she's turning or perhaps tumbling. If several hours pass without any sign of her, I worry. Yesterday morning she was very still. I tried all the tricks that usually make her move: I prodded my abdomen, then jiggled it a bit, I sat in positions that put a little pressure on the bottom of my uterus. Nothing. I called N and on the verge of tears, I told him that I couldn't feel her. He was very firm: "Tesoro, devi stare tranquilla!"
"But it's been like this all morning," I told him. It was only ten o'clock.
"Don't you remember the last time this happened? She's probably sleeping. And don't shake your belly anymore, it will make her angry!" I managed to respond with my smallest, most pathetic "okay." Forty-five minutes later, la Piccola began to kick my bladder.

I've never seen her or held her in my arms and yet I cannot bear to imagine my life without her. I don't know what she will be like but I love her anyway. I've never felt love like this before: completely unconditional and completely blind, unfailing and powerful, stronger even than my love for N. I didn't know if this kind of love would come to me, and I even feared that it wouldn't. But now I feel it filling my whole heart and consuming me, transforming me into a person I never thought I could be: someone completely and finally unafraid to love.

26.9.07

Permesso smarrito

I like to think that my blog is a positive place to visit. I try to keep my complaining to a minimum, partly because I don't like to bring people down, and partly because I need this space to be positive. I have good days and bad days, and some really bad days, but I when I focus on the positive aspects of my life, it becomes more than just livable. But today there's no way I can't write a negative post. I am the angriest I've ever been since moving here. This is long, but bear with me.

N and I married at our commune in July of 2006. After that, we went to the Questura in Caserta, the capital of our province, to request a permesso di soggiorno per motivi familiari, or a permit to stay in Italy for family reasons. I had entered Italy as a tourist that May, and the permesso that they gave me at the end of August was valid for one year from my date of entry. That annoyed me because I'd heard of non-EU spouses of Italians citizens who had been able to start off with a permesso that lasted two years, or even better, a carta di soggiorno that lasts five years.

That November, N and I went to Rome one weekend because I was in a funk about Thanksgiving. On the train ride back home, my purse was stolen. Inside it were my U.S. passport and my permesso di soggiorno. When we got back home, we tried contacting Trenitalia on the off chance that someone had turned the documents in. The next step was going to the police and filing a denuncia about the lost permesso and passport. When I asked them about getting a new permesso, they told me I'd need a new passport first. My new passport arrived after three weeks, a few days before Christmas. At the police station they told me to come back after the holidays. For most of January, I played phone tag with the officer in charge of issuing the permesso. When I finally managed to speak to him, I was told, "Sorry Signora, now you have to go through the post office."

At the post office they knew nothing about requesting duplicates. They insisted we go to Caserta. To save a trip there, we called the Questura to ask what to do. They told us to go to the Post Office. On and on it went. Finally someone at the Questura had the genius idea of telling us how to explain to post office officials that it could be done. He also reprimanded me for letting the problem go on so long. At the beginning of February, I finally managed to file the request for a duplicate. I checked the process online for months, and as May approached, I realized I was not going to see it before the permesso expired. Then I tried to file a request for a renewal. At the post office, they didn't want to accept a request for a renewal without the original permesso. They told me to go to the police. The police suggested that I go to the Questura. We called the Questura and they told us that the post office had to accept the request as long as there was a copy of the denuncia attached. Back at the post office, no one considered accepting that solution until N began threatening them that he was about to get very angry. They decided they would accept the request, but only with the original denuncia. Well, there was no way I was about to let go of what seemed like the only evidence that I'd ever had a permesso (little did I know, that's exactly what it was, read on.) We went to the police to explain the problem. What problem, they wanted to know? Just send a copy, they told us. That's the problem, we told them again. After a truly frustrating ten minutes, we managed to convince them to make a couple of photocopies of the denuncia and then stamp and sign them. At the post office, they reluctantly accepted one of the authenticated copies, but only after they became aware of how persuasive N can be when he's furious.

So then I waited, checking the status of my request online every week. There was never any indication of an appointment, just a note about incomplete documentation. Which document, I wondered? Was it the denuncia? Then last week, I received a convocation letter telling me to go to the police station here with four photos, my passport, the originals of the documents supporting the request (i.e. the copy of the denuncia and a Stato di famiglia, which shows that N and I are still married.) At the appointment, the first thing the officer asked for was the original permesso. I gave him the denuncia and explained that the original was lost and that I never received a duplicate. He told me that I needed to go to Caserta as there was nothing he could do for me.

Monday morning I went back to the police station. I wanted the name of someone to ask for at the Questura di Caserta so that I wouldn't have to wait in line for hours (a reasonable concern for a woman who is six-months pregnant, I think.) The officer I spoke to wasn't there. I begged the one who was to help me and after a quick glance at my abdomen, he said, "Signora, let's try to resolve this problem here." He worked on my case for more than an hour. But then he came up against one problem after another in the computer system. The officer began to ask me questions I found odd: what was my date of entry, what was the number of the original permesso. He called Caserta six or seven times, trying to find someone who would help him. Finally he got through to someone willing to talk him through the procedure. They tried to fix the problem together for about twenty minutes. Then he told me, with obvious displeasure, "You have to go to Caserta." I asked him who I should ask for there, to avoid waiting in line and having to explain the problem to yet another person. He gave me the name of officer he had worked with on the phone.

That morning, I had intended to go to the Anagrafe to request the only document we didn't already have at home, a valid abstract of our marriage certificate. N and I wanted to bring every possible document with us in the event that at Caserta there were ever more problems. But I spent more time at the Polizia than I had planned, and I couldn't get to the Anagrafe, which is open only in the morning, in time. I called N to update him and he suggested that we go to the commune to request the document the next morning before leaving for Caserta. I was afraid of arriving there too late and suggested asking the woman who we'd be dealing with exactly what documents were necessary. N agreed, so I called her, explained who I was and asked her what to bring with me the next day. She told me to bring just the documentation that I had brought to the Polizia for my appointment. In our brief conversation, I asked two more times whether there were additional documents I needed to bring. The answer was always no. Then just before closing the call, I said, "So I only need to bring the documents listed in the convocation letter." Exactly, she said. I called N to give him another update and we decided to go directly to Caserta the next morning.

When we arrived at the Questura, we asked for the officer I had spoken to, but were told that we needed to wait in line at the immigration office. There we found complete chaos: one hundred people in a room made for twenty-five, and none of them with numbers. Every seat was taken. Everyone pushed and jostled to get close to the sportello. After about a half hour we managed to push our way closer, and when a couple of carabinieri exited the adjacent door, we asked if one of them (a woman,) were by chance the one I spoke with the day before. Unfortunately she wasn't, but when she went back into the office she must have told her colleague that we were there, because we were called to the sportello after another ten minutes. Once there, everything started out fine. I presented the letter and all the documents. But then she wanted to know why I hadn't brought a marriage abstract. I reminded her that I had brought the stato di famglia. I didn't understand why she even needed the abstract, because the stato di famiglia is a document that states that a marriage is ongoing, not just that a ceremony has taken place. She and a colleague continued to shuffle papers and insert information into a computer for a few minutes. The other officer came to the sportello with a receipt to sign, and then told us we could come back in a month to pick up the permesso, but that we had to come back within the next two days with the abstract. We took the receipt and made our way for the door, but then N turned to me and asked, "But we had to give them the abstract when we applied for the first permesso, why do they need another?" I waited while he went back to ask at the sportello. When he came back, he was already in the middle of a tirade and I had to ask him what they had said. Then he told me that they lost my file and all the documents in it. They had no record that I had ever had a permesso.

Now it all becomes clear. And to think I was beating myself up for not having made a photocopy of the permesso. I can't tell you how many times throughout this ordeal I've been reprimanded by public officials for having made that error. But who is there to reprimand them for theirs? They lost my file, and as N later told me, hundreds of others. But this has always been my fault, because I didn't know how to take care of my documents. One officer even suggested that only an American would commit such an error, and that other foreigners, more grateful for the chance of living in Italy, would have been more careful.

There is one positive aspect to all of this: when I finally do manage to get this permesso, it will last five years. N and I have already decided that in the meantime, I will be applying for Italian citizenship. Of course, that won't solve much- I'll still have to deal with arrogantly incompetent public officials, but there will be one less line I'll need to stand in.

24.9.07

Honeymoon in three acts, II: Rome

Act II: City of Love

The second phase of the honeymoon was the best, though the briefest. Our flight from Dublin to Rome was late and once we arrived at Fiumicino, we spent over an hour waiting for our luggage. We missed the last train home from Termini and had to stay in Rome overnight. Fortunately, we were able to get a room at the hotel where we met; they always give us a good rate (extremely important this time, considering our credit card woes.) The clerk who introduced us to one another was at the reception desk when we arrived and he was elated when he found out that I'm pregnant. N and I were a disappointed to learn that the hotel had been restructured and that the reading room where N first asked me to dinner is now part of a private apartment.

We decided to spend the next day in Rome instead of catching a morning train home. The city was empty and quiet, which meant that it was actually enjoyable to visit the historical center.

The Pantheon in an uncrowded Piazza Rotonda

For the first time in years, I had a chance to slow down and carefully observe some of my favorite monuments. I took dozens of photos of architectural details (my idea of fun, less so for N.) Here are a couple of them:

Some of the capitals of the Pantheon's porch

A detail of Borromini's creamy white Sant'Agnese

I stopped to look at things I would have ignored otherwise:

Pigeon Fancier in Piazza Navona

I noticed this building for the first time, even though I'd walked past it many times before:

Antiquarian bookshop near Castel Sant'Angelo

I would have liked to stay in Rome longer, but N really needed some time at a beach, so we left the city determined to find a way to spend a few days at the sea.

22.9.07

Coconut Pineapple Cake

I've been tempted to call this a Piña Colada cake, but I always fear that would name make it seem tacky. I think the combination of pineapple and coconut gives this cake a light and fresh flavor that provides a foil to its dense and compact texture. It's based on a recipe for coconut cake that I found on epicurious.com. I like to imagine future incarnations of this cake with chunks of fresh pineapple. If I ever get around to altering the recipe in that way, I'll update this post.


Coconut Pineapple Cake
2 cups flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
8 oz. (227 g.) softened butter
1 1/3 cups sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
3 eggs, at room temperature
1 cup (240 ml) pineapple juice, at room temperature
1 1/2 cup unsweetened dried coconut

Preheat oven to 350° F (175° C.) In an bowl, mix together the flour, baking powder and salt. In a another bowl, beat the butter and sugar at medium speed until fluffy. Add the vanilla and the eggs, one by one, while continuing to beat the mixture at medium speed. Switch to low speed and add the flour mixture gradually, alternating three or four times with the pineapple juice. Beat for two minutes at high speed until the batter is smooth. Gently fold in the dried coconut and pour the batter into a greased and floured pan. Bake at 350° for 45-50 min. or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Cool the cake in its pan for an hour on a rack. Invert the cake onto the rack and let cool completely. Serve with fresh fruit.

Notes:
The original recipe calls greasing for a 10 inch round pan, lining the bottom with parchment paper that is also greased, and then flouring the entire pan. I didn't like the results the one time I followed that advice (the top of the cake was a bit soggy and greasy.) Since then, I've always made this cake using my silicon ciambella ring, which I simply grease and flour.

The batter should be thick, though fluffy, after the addition of the dried coconut.

***

And I do mean to write about the rest of honeymoon, but it was so traumatic that I don't feel ready to relive it just yet. Well, that's an exaggeration and anyway, I've been having difficulty putting my thoughts into words lately, and I don't like the way I've been writing. But rest assured, the last two parts will appear shortly. You can eat the cake while you wait.

13.9.07

Honeymoon in three acts, I: Dublin

Act I: Grey skies

The weather during the week we spent in Dublin was cold and damp, but it was such a relief for me after the dry, hot summer we'd had here in Campania. N didn't react as well as I did. At first he was just amazed that the weather could change from warm and sunny to cold and rainy in just a few minutes, but after a few days, when the novelty wore off and it no longer entertained him, he became a depressed Neapolitan in need of sun. Pressing on regardless, we spent the days visiting historical sites, walking, shopping, eating and napping.

Some of what we saw:

The Liffey towards O'Connell Street

Detail of a sand sculpture exhibit at Dublin Castle
















Transept and tower of Christchurch Cathedral, Window at Christchurch Cathedral

A boar in the pavement of St.Patrick's Cathedral
(perhaps it's a Fire Pig?)

Fountain at Iveagh Gardens

Pond in Stephen's Green

I have many more photos, but don't want to bore anyone (just yet.) Besides, some of them are very nice and I'd like to learn how to watermark them before posting them. Any pointers will be appreciated!

I had hoped to find well-fitting trousers, but I had to admit to myself that it really wouldn't be wise to buy anything without trying it on first, (and my five-month-pregnant body made that pointless.) I had also wanted to buy loads of books, but Aer Lingus' luggage weight restrictions kept that from happening. N and I did buy some items that are hard to find where we live though, including real brown sugar, barbecue sauce, and cumin. Oh, and lots of Cadbury Flake bars.

We had originally planned to make a few day trips out of the city but we had to cut the vacation short because of a threatened strike by Aer Lingus pilots scheduled for the day of our departure. We decided that in my condition, we couldn't risk the possibility of waiting for hours or days in the airport and we moved our departure date ahead a few days. We were disappointed, but N suggested that we go somewhere else for a few days after returning home. We settled on Ischia, but we had no success making any reservations. We decided to wait until we returned home to make our plans.

On the last day, at check out, N's credit card was refused. We wondered how it was possible, given that we had only used the card once or twice for small purchases. It turns out that when the hotel swiped the card for a "pre-authorization," they actually blocked the import of the bill. Not a problem for most, because most cards apparently unblock themselves after three to five days, but N's card is from BancoPosta, and their credit blocks last three weeks. I had to pay the bill with my credit card, thus paying an exorbitant amount of dollars. The blocked credit card caused us some more problems as we attempted to continue our honeymoon elsewhere, but that's for a later post.

7.9.07

How to gain weight while pregnant

Nel corso della gestazione l'aumento di peso è di
1 Kgr. nel 1° trimestre (gr. 300 ogni mese)
4 Kgr. nel 2° trimestre (gr. 1.300 ogni mese)
5 Kgr. nel 3° trimestre (gr. 1.600 ogni mese)
Un eccessivo incremento di peso espone al rischio di gestosi e di parto difficile.

Translation:

During pregnancy, weight gain is
1 kg (2.2 lbs.) during the 1st trimester (300g per month) (10.5 oz.)*
4 kg (8.8 lbs.) during the 2nd trimester (1.3 kg per month) (2.9 lbs.)
5 kg (11 lbs.) during the 3rd trimester (1.6 kg per month) (3.5 lbs.)
Excessive weight gain exposes [the patient] to the risk of gestational diabetes and a difficult birth.

*U.S. weights and measures

This is an excerpt from the scheda peso, or weight card, that my doctor uses to monitor my weight gain. One of my favorite bits is the use of the indicative in "Nel corso della gestazione, l'aumento del peso è," as though it weren't just my doctor's advice (some might use the word fantasy,) but rather an objective and universally acknowledged fact that this is how women gain weight while pregnant. I also think the 300g allowed for each month of the first trimester is cute. Really, that's not much more than what a person's weight can fluctuate from day to day, so honestly what's the point in even breaking the one miserly kilo permitted those three months into such small increments. Oh, and correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't a kilogram have 1000 grams? Something about the meaning of kilo, I think. The other divisions don't add up either. And don't pregnancies actually last a little longer than nine months? I guess women who go as late as forty-two weeks are really out of luck. Anyway, if one decides to ignore the monthly limits and focus on the larger amounts allowed for each trimester, the total allowable weight gain is 10 kg, or 22 lbs.

This recommendation isn't just for me, though, it's for every one of his patients, regardless of their pre-pregnancy weight. It makes an interesting contrast with the typical American recommendations, which are based on whether women begin their pregnancies underweight, at normal weight, or overweight:

Pre-pregnancy weight Recommended weight gain
Underweight 28 to 40 pounds
Normal weight 25 to 35 pounds
Overweight 15 to 25 pounds
Obese At least 15 pounds

This chart comes from the website of the Mayo Clinic, which claims that there is no "one-size-fits-all approach to pregnancy weight gain." The weight gain recommended by my doctor is less than what the Mayo Clinic advises for women beginning pregnancy at a normal weight. I find this disturbing because of how thin (and seemingly underweight) many Italian women are.

An interesting exercise is trying to square the 22 lbs. allowed by my doctor with the helpful breakdown the Mayo Clinic website gives of where the weight actually goes:
  • Baby: 7 to 8 pounds
  • Larger breasts: 1 to 3 pounds
  • Larger uterus: 2 pounds
  • Placenta: 1 1/2 pounds
  • Amniotic fluid: 2 pounds
  • Increased blood volume: 3 to 4 pounds
  • Increased fluid volume: 2 to 3 pounds
  • Fat stores: 6 to 8 pounds
The minimum amounts here add up to 24.5 lbs. Maybe the Americans are being overly generous, allowing women six to eight pounds of additional fat?

What about the statement about the risks of excessive weight gain? What qualifies as excessive when the limit is already so small? Another two kilos, or five? Fifteen kilos is about thirty-three pounds. For a woman of normal weight, would that really cause a more painful birth? And is weight gain during pregnancy really linked to gestational diabetes? Are these just threats to frighten women into obedience? But the question I ask myself more often than any other is a simple why? Why the fixation on weight?

6.9.07

Love Thursday: Introducing la Piccola

La Piccola recently completed the first five months of her journey out of my womb. She weighs 620g (about 1 lb. 4 oz.) and is about 30 cm long (nearly 1 foot.) She likes to spend mornings and evenings exercising her legs and seems to have a predilection for wiggling her tongue. She reacts more to Bach than to Schumann. We'll try Mahler next.

Waiting a month for the results of the amniocentesis was stressful, and I was so worried the day we went to pick them up at the lab that I didn't even want to open the folder they were in. But I overcame my fear with just a little prodding and encouragement from N. The results were negative for Down Syndrome and confirmed that the baby is a girl. We did have a bit of a scare, though, because the results also showed an elevated level of alpha-feto protein, which can indicate a neural tube defect like spina bifida. Fortunately, this time we only had to wait a few days to find out that everything was fine. Last evening, I had an extensive ultrasound and the doctor found no evidence of any defects. As the picture above shows, we even had our first look at her face.